All in
by cpsdlg
Summary: Set after 8x16. What was going on with Donna that day, before Harvey arrived. How did it go their first conversation? (one shot)


Hi everyone! While we wait for the 9x01 to blow our minds (hopefully). I came up with a small oneshot story, trying to imagine what was going on with Donna that day, before Harvey arrived. Hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing. I would love to hear your thought, so feel free to let me know whether you liked it or not. I don't have beta readers, so I am sorry for any mistakes. I tried to review the text many times before posting. Xoxo

* * *

_If I will ever be able to cut him out…_

Tears at this point were streaming down her face, not only for yet another relationship of hers that was over even before it properly started, but for the realisation that she has been in denial this whole time. Harvey is the love of her life, but he might not ever be ready for her, ready to engage in a serious relationship with her, or anyone for that matter.

Thomas, since the visit Harvey payed him the previous night, understood he was the third wheel in a more than complicated situation and was staring at her, with sadness:

-"_I am so sorry to hear that, Donna. The truth is that I had a wonderful time with you, and I really hope that someday you can make a decision about Harvey or at least move on with your life, being really open to try something new, I am sad that I wasn't the one you've chosen. I am sorry that we didn't meet at the right time"._

She was self conscious, for the very first time in her life she was admitting her deep love for Harvey out loud, and, as soon as she admitted that for Thomas, it became pretty clear even to her that her feeling towards Harvey wasn't just friendship, loyalty, partnership, it is love, and not the kind of love someone feels for a brother or a cousin, as she once declared, it is the kind of love that affected her senses, leaving her blind, and even aching physically.

Drying her tears she hugged him. Saying goodbye to him meant saying goodbye to that already passed part of her life. -"_Thank you, Thomas. It certainly has been nice and I really hope you can find someone with a little less luggage". _

_-"I guess it is it for us, but for all that matters you've got a friend in me… Well, I must say, we are running late, shall we get going to the hearing? Do you want a ride?"_

-_"Hum.. no, not really, at this point I really don't care if I am being summoned or not, I simply cannot watch Harvey lose his license, knowing that I am responsible for that and knowing I can't do anything to help him"._

Donna was hoping that Harvey would have come up with a last minute plan to get them out of this mess, like he always does, but apparently he couldn't this time, since his last move was simply trying to protect her.

Thomas was gone and there she was again, throwing herself a pity party, the kind of one nobody knew she would indulge herself with, because every time she was felling low she would shed her tears, but, in the next day, she would be wearing her best dress and would plaster her best smile on her face, pretending that nothing was wrong and she had indeed a fulfilling life. But today was different, she felt tired and hopeless.

It was with a heavy heart she admitted to herself that what Harvey accused her was true, she, after all this years, really lost faith in him. She could finally see how much she has been loving him and denying those feelings, but, at the same time, it was now pretty clear to her for the first time that he was never going to be there for her in all the aspects that she wished he would be.

All these years suppressing her feelings has caused her a lot of pain, but this time, their turmoiled relationship brought even bigger consequences besides yet another crack in her already broken heart.

Partly because of her, Harvey was about to lose everything he has built and, even so, his last move was try to protect her at all costs…

In fact, that was quite intriguing, and her hopeful and rational mind tried to reason, '_don't give up yet, don't lose faith in him, don't you see?! He moves mountains to protect you, yet for Scottie you had to beg him to do something, that has to mean something'. _However, she has been through a lot already, too many years waiting for nothing, '_it might mean something, but he will never admit it'._

It was a tremendous relief in all the pain and guilt she was feeling when Louis texted her, explaining that Robert took the fall and Harvey got away. Apparently even Thomas helped a little, hiding that she was the one who informed him.

_'__Lucky bastard'_, she thought to herself, suppressing a chuckle. '_He always gets away…'. _

She was still surfing the relieve wave when he called her, probably to fill her in the latest news.

Her first instinct was to immediately answer her phone, being available to him was almost her second nature, and she wanted, more than anything, to hear him telling her the story of how he got his ass saved by Robert. She could hear his voice playing in her head already, she could easily imagine how he would tell her, and how he would try to surprise and worry the shit out of her, before telling the true, she could even picture his face while doing all this.

She wanted so, so badly to talk to him that she decided, with great sadness, that it was for the best not to answer to him at all.

Their banter, their intimacy would mean nothing but friendship to him, because it was their '_normal_', right?! Still, their '_normal_' was suddenly not enough for her anymore.

Putting into words, for the first time, how she really felt in front of Thomas somehow made her feelings grow bigger. It was like her love for Harvey had been kept hidden in a small box, inside a dusty storage in her heart, but, once she showed it to the world, it could no longer be contained in the small box it used to live. It spread through her whole body, and now every cell in her being was aching with love for him and she simply couldn't deny it or hide it anymore.

As the day passed slowly, she was wondering how she would act on such realisation when they meet again. It was late afternoon when Rachel called her, reassuring that her father was all right with the outcome of the hearing. She explained that it has been a while since he had been toying with the idea of retiring, and her mother couldn't be happier, she was already planning family trips and enjoying very much the fact that she would finally have her husband only for herself.

Talking to Rachel brought her some sense of peace, at the same time she understood the amount of work they would have in order to keep Robert clients and the amount of money they would have to offer him to buy his share.

It was early night, she was already in her comfy pyjamas enjoying the sweet company of her wine, and making appointments on her schedule, preparing herself for the battle they would have to face on Monday, when she heard his knock.

'_I might be crazy, but I am pretty sure it is him? What is he doing here?' _Her head was running wild coming up with reasons for him to visit her._ 'He must be pissed that I didn't answer. What else might have happened?'_

While getting out of the sofa to open the door, she checked her phone. '_No new message from Louis or Robert, so nothing has changed'. _

It has been a while since she last payed attention to that item, afraid she wouldn't be able to prevent herself from calling him back and telling all her truth. _'If nothing changed… he must be mad that I wasn't at the hearing...' _

She rushed to the door and swung it open and there he was.

He wasn't mad, not mad at all… He was in fact pretty easy to read this time, he was standing there, like an open book, unguarded, disarmed, and, somehow, relieved. His face was telling her everything she only dreamt she would one day receive from him._ 'Oh my God, he is ready'_

As soon as she locked her eyes with his, they engaged a silent conversation, in their own language, like many times beforehand.

_'__Harvey?'_

His deep sigh was as good as a love declaration.'_I am tired of this, I want more, I want you_'

And there he was, ready to love her. Ironically on the same day that she had come to terms that he would never be and she would have to let it go.

_'__Oh my, are you really ready?!'_ She tilts her head a little. _'I guess you are'. _A small smile was starting to spread on her face. She started creating space between them, clearly stating her view on the matter, she had already made her move in the past, this time was his turn. '_Do you want to come in?'._

She made her point pretty clear, he would have to act this time. And he did.

He rushed to her, decided to show how much he was invested in proving that he was all in. The first kiss was intense, but yet unsure, they were testing the water and she wondered silently, looking deeply into his eyes. 'Are you sure?'. It has been a while since he has felt so sure about something.

So he takes her completely, driven by the eager to touch her, feel her, kiss her, devour her, the way he was only allowed to do in his dreams.

She never felt so desired in her life, not even that first night they shared, since this time it was a long overdue hunger for her that he was trying to placate.

They consumed each other, burning an eternal flame of desire, never getting enough, every time she came felt like an opportunity to start it all over again, he could easily get addicted to this.

Their love making throughout the night was uncontrolled, sometimes intense and passionate, almost violent, and other times was soft and lingering, they were sharing a process of connection, recognition and acceptance. They were finally on the same page, wanting the same things, and simply enjoying each other.

Every moan she offered him in return of the pleasure received was kept in his memory as a token of the love they shared. And whenever there was silence, he filled it with soft love declarations, promises and apologies.

They could sense that this was the last run they would share this night, exhaustion was winning over them, he was on top of her, relishing on the incredible sensation of literally being inside her, their sweaty bodies were pressed together, only his hip was moving, in a slow beat… in and out… in and out… in and out…

While she was hugging him closer, his face was tucked in her neck, placing small kisses in her jaw line, sucking her earlobe, driving her crazy.

His voice was husky, low and sexy, and he was enjoying so very much to tell her everything he always thought, but never had the place to say. Well, who was he kidding?! Never had the guts to say it.

Without stoping his movements, he started a new conversation. -"_Oh Donna, you are absolutely delicious, it should be forbidden for someone look and taste this good. I think you might have a problem, cause I guess I am irreparably attached to you"._

She was looking into his eyes, with a little smug smile, and whispered. -_"Is this your twisted way to say you love me?"_

_-_"_Oh no, not at all, that is easily done, I love you so very much, Donna, I am so deeply in love with you. But, what I am talking about now is possession, really"._

He said that breaking his pattern and tucking his hip against her deeper, faster and stronger, to make clearer his statement. And she closed her eyes, moaning involuntarily, in awe of the little pain and at the same time excruciating pleasure he was giving her.

He waited for her to reopen her eyes, silently pleading for more, so he restarted his torturing slow beat. His right hand was now traveling down her body, framing her curves. While he slowly continued and whispered in her ear. -_"There are really two questions that need to be answered. The first is 'why it took me so long to get here?'"_.

His question ended at the same time his hand arrived at her most sensitive spot. And a soft humming of pleasure escaped her mouth.

_-"The second one is, once I have reached here". _His finger was drawing small circles, bringing her almost to the edge again. -_"And I think I reached a good place? Don't you think?"_

She was arching her body to easy his access, her face was turning up, her eyes were shut, all she could manage to say was -_"Yes"_.

\- _"Well, I think that too, so how do I stop being here?"_

She was suddenly carried out of her trance and opened her eyes, facing him, with her face completely flushed, and answered slowly, regaining her breath. -_"You just don't… Stop… Being here"._

He saw so much love in her eyes that his teasing facade was off, his left hand was caressing her face, his movements were still slow, but more deliberated now, he was kissing her tenderly and said. -_"It is settled them, I am not going anywhere else". _And soon enough he was repaid with yet another token for his, hopefully, never ending collection.

They were wrapped around each other, she was completely exhausted, she lost completely track of time. It was only the first lights of the dawn that confirmed to her that they really spend a whole night making love.

Since he arrived last night they haven't had a proper conversation and she was starting to feel the pressure to address the fact they were a item now.

She had her chin resting against his chest and was looking at him, who was bearing the biggest smug smile one could have.

_-"Doesn't he look like the cat who ate the canary?!"_

He answered smiling freely now, full cheshire cat mode. -_"Well, I was thinking that the definitions of best closer in town must be updated"._

She knew nothing serious would come up from him right now, but she was intrigued where this conversation was heading. -_"Oh yeah, and why so?"_

_-"Well, I closed this deal". _He said that pointing to them._ -"Without saying a word. All I had to do was show up and the next thing I know I won the absolutely gorgeous and most sexy redhead I have ever met"._

_-"You are right about the gorgeous and sexy part, but I don't know about the deal, seems to me that I won this negotiation, after all wasn't me who was listed as one of NYC most eligible bachelors, you look like a big win to me". _

_-"That list is nonsense. People that make lists don't know what you can do with your mouth and your hip, but let's keep it that way, won't we?! With that I am 100% sure I am the winner"._

_-"By mouth you mean my witty comments and by hip you mean how it sways in my dresses, am I right?"_

_She was smiling as broad as his right now, she missed their banter._

He was nodding while she was talking. -"_Yes! That is exactly what I meant. By the way, those atributes and their owner were severely missed at the hearing today, I mean, yesterday, I am completely lost"._

His smile was slowly disappearing. It was time for the serious conversation.

_-"I am so sorry, Harvey. I couldn't make it"_

_-"What happened?"_

_-"I was ready to go, I really thought that you would have come up with a last minute plan, like you always do. But, Thomas showed up…"_

She could tell this was a sore topic to him, as he stirred a little showing his discomfort, but she kept explaining:

_-"Well, he came early, telling me that, and here I quote, you showed up at his place asking him to help you to tie yourself down on the train tracks for me. So it became clear to me that you didn't find a way out. I couldn't just show up to see you lose everything because of me"._

She was facing his chest, clearly ashamed of everything she understood she put them through. His hand was pulling her face up back to face him.

-_"I don't think that is really accurate. I mean, I don't think I would lay on train tracks literally"_. She raised her eyebrow, and that was enough for him. _"Who am I kidding, I probably would"._

_-"The fact is that he sensed that you would, and showed up questioning me your motives, asking me who I was to you"._

_-"What did you say?"_

_-"The truth"_

He tilted his head clearly anxious for her to be more specific, but she was demanding his participation in this conversation with actual words, so he complied.

_-"Which is …"_

_-"That I don't know who I am to you. For all that it is worthy I couldn't precise what you are to me either"._

He was dreading inside, it was in fact the first time since he made the decision to show up at her door he remembered Thomas, he recalled that she was seeing someone, this whole out of this world amazing night they shared together could mean that he became what he despise the most. But at the same time, it came as quite a shock the realisation that he didn't mind at all, they belonged together, Thomas was the intruder not him, but he needed to know anyway.

_-"Are you two still, you know…"_

_-"What? Together? No, Harvey! Are you crazy?! I would never do that to you again, I promised you I wouldn't"._

He released his breath, which he hasn't realised he was holding.

_-"Besides, he ran for the hills the second he realised the mad tea party he was attending"._

_-"Wise guy."_

_-"Who am I to you, Harvey?"_

She caught him unguarded, he looked deeply into her eyes.

_-"Do you know your eyes look greener with this morning light?!"_

She dropped her eyes, frustrated, she really thought this time would be different. But what they say, Harvey will be Harvey, and he will never be able to face his feelings and engage in a relationship with her, even after all the promises he made her while they were having the most sensational sex of her life.

She was starting to get up when he grabbed her arm.

-_"Where are you going? Do you prefer them hazel?"_

He said that with the cheapest and at same time earnest smile she has ever seen, so she understood he was mocking her. But, suddenly he was serious and a bit formal, even, like he was preparing himself for the statement of his life:

_-"You, Donna Paulsen, are my love, the woman of my life, my partner, my best friend, my boss, my ultimate lover, and hopefully the last one I will ever have. And that is the tea"._

She had tears in her eyes at this point, so he caressed her face. -_"So you can pick any one of those definitions anytime anyone ever ask you who are you to me"._

She opened her smile broadly, her eyes still wet from his words. - "_So, am I your boss now?"_

_\- "From all those things I said, that is the one you pick up?!"_

\- "_'Donna Paulsen, Harvey Specter's boss, how can I help you?!' You were right, it does has a nice ring to it."_

_\- "'Hi, I am Harvey Specter and I am screwing my boss'. I guess you are right, it does have a nice ring to it "._

\- "_Man, you finally got over your secretary fixation"._

_-"I don't know about that, I was just about to ask you to cancel my Monday schedule. I have to make up for all that lost time"._

_-"But today is only Saturday, and we still have tomorrow"_

_-"I don't think I will be done with you anytime soon, so many things I have in mind". _He said that wrapping his arms around her, messily kissing her all over her face.

_-"No, absolutely not now, I am exhausted, you've completely worn me out"._

_-"My pleasure milady!"_

_-"Thank you, Harvey"._

_-"For what?"_

_-"For finally being ready. I have so much love for you, I don't know what I would do with it, if you haven't showed up."_

_-"Thank you for being there for me every step of the way. I will make you the most happy woman in the world, I promise"._

She was caressing his face, glowing with happiness already.

_-"So start now, letting this woman sleep"_

_-"I will be here when you wake up"._

_-"I wouldn't have any other way"._


End file.
